| 17 Sept 1942 |
[15 Apr 2009|10:36pm] |
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It is no use; I cannot banish these images. I first tried to visualize my inventions, a technique which has often worked when I have been plagued by unpleasant visions, but there is a symmetry between the work I have done with electricity and the flow of shapes outside this aeroplane that cause my thoughts to return inexorably to them.
In desperation I have turned to a technique which I have rarely used since I began to seriously pursue my calling as an inventor; I have allowed my mind to travel to other places. I had convinced myself that these were entirely products of my imagination, but now I am not so certain. How to explain a woman who rules her world like a queen bee rules a hive? I have written of such things before, so this could be pure fancy on my part, an attempt by my mind to retreat from horrors with which it cannot cope.
No; this is reality, evidently so. Therefore I must accept it and attempt to understand it.
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| 14 Sept 1942 |
[28 Jul 2008|03:12pm] |
I see now why Snape was so interested in my research. His confederates have made significant progress along the same lines, though it is obvious that they do not understand the principles underlying it, as they resort to mystical nonsense when asked to describe it.
Under normal circumstances I would correct them, as I despise sloppy thinking, but as they are using this as a weapon I choose to let them persist in their ignorance. This does, unfortunately, mean that I must also leave Professor Moody in ignorance as--no doubt due to distress at our circumstances--she persists in describing my work using their terms.
I am, however, making a close examination of their work. I cannot and will not assist them in perfecting their weapons, but I have seen ways in which the Teleforce device may be improved to handle the energies they are producing.
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| 13 Sept 1942 |
[17 May 2008|02:06pm] |
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This is absolutely intolerable.
Had he only asked, I would have given Professor Snape whatever information he wanted. My life's work is over; time for it to be passed to a new generation. But he has shown his true colors; he thinks he sees a way for what I have done to be used as a weapon, and believes he can coerce me into developing it for him.
I am glad now that I had the foresight not turn over any more of my papers to him.
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| Midnight, 12 Sept 1942, in New York City |
[12 Jan 2008|08:37pm] |
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The boy has brought the food for my flocks, expecting I will go to the library tonight as usual to feed them. I am almost tempted not to; my beloved pigeon is gone.
But the quiet streets are as soothing as ever, and the other pigeons, silly creatures that they are, still comfort me. For her sake, I will continue.
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| 10 Sept 1942 |
[30 Nov 2007|04:05pm] |
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As I was lying here, the pigeon who has been my companion throughout my life, who has always come to me whenever I wished to see her - the beautiful pigeon of pure white with light gray tips on her wings, unique amongst the thousands of pigeons I have fed in my lifetime - flew in through the open window and stood on my desk.
I knew what she wanted to tell me - she was dying. A light came from her eyes, more intense than anything I had ever produced in a laboratory, and then she was gone.
Until now I have always known that I would complete my work and find a way to bring a lasting peace to the world. The recent visitors from the British war department had seemed to be a sign of this. But now I know this will not happen. My life's work has ended.
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